Apparently Martha Stewart isn’t doing as well as she used to. However, today I received this e-mail from Home Decorators introducing the new Martha Stewart Living Craft Space Collection. It seems you can use these items whether you have an entire craft room or “a corner.” (I’m not sure what she’d recommend if your crafting area is a shoebox filled with broken picture frames and a can of spray paint, stacked on top of an air conditioner and an old mini fridge. What can you do for me, Martha? Quick!)
Maybe Martha Stewart’s sales are down because people are not aware of all the places where they can buy her things? I decided to create an extensive, multi-part guide, with lots of pictures to make the blog look better and help business too. Hey Martha Stewart, you should create some WordPress templates in calming colors because this blog still looks like crap. That could be a good thing for you, has anyone ever made that joke before? OK here we go with Part 1.
Part 1: The Places Everyone Knows About
Macy’s
You can tell Martha’s collection here has been around for awhile because she looks incredibly young, like mid-thirties, in the banner ad. Bedding, bathroom stuff, rugs, and so on. The Martha Stewart Collection with Wedgwood includes this “Flourish” china collection, which reminds me of dollar-store stationery:
There’s also this Kids Prep Set in garish colors, which includes (among other things) “4 laminated recipe cards,” bound to get a lot of use, and “4 color-coded measuring cups,” the code is a secret. I like how Martha’s face is peeking out of the top right-hand corner of the box. She’s watching you, kids! Don’t mess up and please make sure to print neatly on those recipe cards.
And finally, something I personally would not put Martha’s name on if I were in charge.
Grade: B-. Too many ugly comforters, just an overwhelming amount of stuff in general, and what is next, lice treatment kits?
Kmart
It’s surprisingly hard to find Martha Stewart stuff on the Kmart website. She doesn’t have her own section–you have to search. I only found this dumb thing:
Grade: F. Extra minus points added for my extreme hatred of the 34th Street Kmart, where I once had a terrible time trying to pick up a cooler after ordering it online via their crappy new in-store pickup system MyGofer. (MyGofer in a nutshell: Great! I can get stuff cheaply without actually having to spend time in the 34th Street Kmart. In and out! FALSE! Though not Martha’s fault.) Follow-up: Martha has removed all mention of Kmart from her website. She must not be affiliated with them anymore. Maybe she had a bad experience using MyGofer, too.
Everything is adorable, even the Utility Bone Folder (“this multifunctional bone folder does much more than just fold”).
And I can’t think of any uses for this glitter, but I really, really want it, and isn’t that the point?
I also love this Martha Stewart Scoreboard, because I am picturing it as a literal scoreboard that ranks the crafts Martha has made against the crafts you have made. “MARTHA: 5,000. LAURA: OK EFFORT.”
Grade: A. It makes perfect sense for her to be in Michaels. Bonus points because a lot of these are barely crafts; they’re premade products that you add a couple of tasteful stickers to, and can then say, “Look, DIY.”
Stay tuned for Part 2: “She Also Makes Dog Poop Bags.”
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